The Degree in the Blue Frame.

     Here is my latest rant over something posted on Facebook.  I just don't think you can make a judgment call like this.  There is no way to know what is in the heart or mind of another. 
     Maybe someone would find comfort in rereading their financial statement on their death bed.  They may be comforted by the fact they are leaving their loved ones with enough money to carry on without struggle.  They might have worked hard their whole life to give their children a better life than they had growing up.
     Maybe that car is so important because it once belonged to their grandfather.  Who they loved and respected so much they just had to spend all that money to restore the car he had enjoyed.  It might be wonderful to be carried out to the garage one last time.  To sit in that car and remember the wonderful times spent with their grandfather and the Sunday drives with friends and family through the years.  The radio just might be playing their favorite song.
     As for me; hand me my college degree.  It is a symbol of my hard work and my commitment to helping others.  I earned that degree because what mattered then was people.  I couldn't have spent my life counseling those who needed a helping hand if I had not gone to college.
     If you truly believe that what matters most is people and relationships then take time to talk to those in your life.  Ask them about what is important to them and why.  And don't wait until they are on their death bed.

The Writer's Room

I like many writers carved myself out some space in which to write.  A room void of noise and interruption. A simple place.  A space where I could write that was without distraction.  It was everything I had dreamed of.

Except ..... I never wrote in there.  A few weeks ago I sat in there, determined to figure out why.  I could not.  It seemed the perfect writing room.  What is the problem? 

It is not that I don't write.  It is that I don't write in there.  I write in my office being interrupted by the phone, the doorbell, and email.  I write on the front porch with pen and paper watching the world go by.  That is when it hit me, I need stimulation in order to write! 

I don't know where I got the idea that I needed a room, locked away from the world to write.  Maybe I read it somewhere.  Or may it was just an excuse at one point, "I can't write because I need a place without distraction." However the thought had become stuffed into my brain; it had manifested itself into a writing room I could not write in.

I am someone who believes in change.  So a change was going to be made!  I was no longer going to try to force myself to write in that room.  First, I moved my desk so I could look out the window at the world.  Then I added a bird feeder just outside to watch the birds fly by.  Much better, but not enough.  So ...........
In came a lamp, in came the cat, in came shelves filled with knick-knacks.
In came a new rug, in came the books, in came the houseplants filling every nook.
In came the quilts, in came the throws, in came the carnival ducks sitting in a row.
Lots and lots of little changes that made this space my own.

Most importantly, in came me!  Now I had truly created the writing room for me.  A space locked away, but not too far.  A place filled with things that stimulate my creativity and calm my nerves.
A room I find I can't wait to sit in with my computer, my cat, and my thoughts.  I am in there, writing. A new happy place where just maybe I can find my true writer's voice.

Isn't is amazing how there seems to be a life lesson to be learned in every little aspect life.  Even writing rooms.  This became not only a room redo, but an opportunity to learn more about myself and what I need to be happy.

What NOT to Do on Your Staycation.

Thinking about taking a staycation, but don't know what to do with your self for 7 great days at home.  Well, that is a question that only you can answer.  Only you know what truly relaxes you.  Only you know what activities will send you back to the world of work refreshed.  However, I would be happy to suggest 7 things NOT to do:

1)  Don't go to work.  None of that, "well they were having trouble with such and such and it wasn't like I was going any where."  Yes, you were going some where .... HOME.  Your on vacation from work, it doesn't matter where your vacationing at.

2)  Don't go to work.  Not with the use of electronics either.  No work related emails, phone calls, or texts.  Even a quick, little text that took 3 seconds can put your mind back into work mode for hours.  Let them figure it out on their own, it's good for them.

3)  Don't make plans with people from work.  Or phone, email, and text.  They will talk about work!  Using this time to really let go of work and rest is the very best use of your time off.  In fact, why not unplug completely.  Turn it all off for the week or at lest limit your time and exposure to phones, internet, and television.

4)  Don't make appointments. Going to the doctor, dentist, or accountant is not relaxing.  OK, you can make an appointment or two.  Think massage, pedicure, new haircut.

5)  Don't clean out kitchen storage or the garage or the basement or do the spring cleaning.  Who ever heard of going on sabbatical to be a maid for week?  I do suggest doing the dishes everyday, you don't want that mess at weeks end.  Let the rest go.  Alright, you can put clean sheets on the bed and make it.  Only because it makes you feel like your in a hotel and only if you planning to take a nap in it.  I will admit to cleaning the fish tank on my last staycation, but only because I wanted to sit and watch the fish and couldn't see them through the algae.  The same principal might apply to hot tubs, swimming pools, and decks.

6)  No huge home improvement projects.  That is big time working.  Sometimes it is your only chance, so try to have lots of help and make sure it isn't going to take the week.

7)  Don't jump up and do every little thing you see that needs done just because you have the time.  Say to yourself, "I need to weed the veggie garden when I return from my vacation."  Then go back to lounging, napping, crafting, reading, and resting.

Truly kick back and rest.  Plan for some days when the kids will be in school or away.  Plan for alone time and a little couple time.  Time to rest, relax, and enjoy is time will spent.  In America, we are not too keen on that concept.  It is time we started changing that for ourselves one staycation or Sunday at a time. 

Be careful on the drive home and have a great staycation! 

The Creative's Day Off

      Wishing to spend some time outdoors on this summer's day she grabs her camera and heads out back.  Spending the first hour of the day staking birds and shooting lilies. 
      Still feeling tired and stressed from the week, she renters the house and puts on a little music to delight her soul.  While dancing to a tune, one line from the song sends her to the couch with journal in hand.
      Journaling about something that had been weighing on her mind brings a breakthrough. And sparks some ideas, causing her to reach for her "idea notebook."  Struggling with the "how to" of an idea, she begins to draw tulips on the page.
      Changing to her drawing journal, she draws the tulips again coloring them with a bright red marker.  The color of geraniums?
      Scooping up the cat she heads over to her studio to paint.  A large watercolor of red geraniums.
After a couple of hours of work she is satisfied with the result.  So much so that she decides to frame it later. 
      Into storage to find a frame.  Then to the shop to search for some flat black spray paint.  Discovering a can of bright pink.  Huh?   She brings it along as well.  Stopping at storage again on her way to the backyard she gets out an antique piano stool that had been forgotten and left in a corner.
      In the backyard she paints her items.  Uses the drying time to eat a snack and read on the patio.
      Now dry the hot pink piano stool is taken into the house.  While looking for the perfect spot for this stool she hears a cardinal call.  Not a real cardinal, a fake one.  It is two o'clock!!!!!
      She had forgotten to phone a friend this morning as promised. She flipped on the computer to send him an apologetic note.
      That some how became this blog post!

      Sorry Wade!  I know you totally get it.  Hope you had a great day.

 

 



      

It's Summer Time!

    It's summer time you know.  Are you having fun?  Are you there yet?

      All work and no play makes summer like the rest of the year.  How sad is that?    Summer is the best time for getting in touch with your inner child.  I highly recommend that for your good mental health.  What did you love about summer when you were just a kid?  Besides not going to school.  For me it was biking riding all morning and then going to the pool to swim all afternoon. 
      I am as guilty as anyone about just letting summer slide by.  I haven't been in a pool since my granddaughters were in their preteens.  And bike riding?  Where is my bike?  What ever happened to it?  Let's see, last time I saw it I think the seat was missing.  Hey, when was the last time I drove my convertible?  Didn't we buy a new tent?  What happen to that?  I know we never used it.  Where are the frisbees we bought to try frisbee golf?  I hoping this doesn't sound familiar to you.
      I didn't realize it was this bad!  How does this happen?  I sometimes forget there is a swing right in my backyard.  I used to drink lemonade for breakfast on warm days.  And do yoga on the patio. 
     Well it isn't that hot this summer and I think there is no excuse for laying around in the house instead of in the sun.  I think we should make 2014 the summer of the inner child.  We should all find a place to swim, ride a bike, take a walk, swing in the park, play horseshoes, go on a picnic, do a silly craft project, read a book from our childhood, blow bubbles, drink kool aid, and act like a child. 
     So what do you think?  Will you join the movement?  Hey, why not?  A licensed mental health practitioner just gave you permission to act like a kid.  Take advantage of that and the weather.  Don't forget to wear you shorts and flip-flops!

For some more ideas in child like fun see the "Something to Do" page!

Creating Space

    " I don't have time!"  Do you hear yourself saying this whenever someone makes a suggestion about you doing something that might make you happier or help you reach a goal?
     You can read all the right books, buy all the right tools, you can clear a place to do your art, and still not be working toward your goals.  Because you don't have the time.  Time doesn't fall into your day.  You have to create the space in your life for the things you find important.
      "How can I do that?!  There is only 24 hours in each day!  And I have so much to do!"
      Step one:  Be 100% honest with yourself about how you spend the 24 hours you have each day.  How many hours do you spend watching television?  A creative friend of mine discovered through keeping a TV log that he watched an average of five (5) hours of TV each evening.  Turned out it was mostly reruns, shows he didn't even enjoy that much, or movies he had already seen.  Five hours is a lot time to be painting, writing, or exercising.  Just three of the things he felt he didn't have time or.    
    How about your computer time?  Yes, I know much of your computer time is worthwhile; keeping up on the latest trends, having conversations with friends and family, and reading great things like this blog.  Being honest much of it is just surfing, playing games, pinning, and checking in to social media way too much. 
     Phone calls?  I just took a call in the middle of writing this.  I didn't really want to talk to this person.  So why did I talk to them for 48 minutes?!  Seriously, an hour gone!  Texting is another thing that maybe keeping you from concentrating on your goals. 
     Now that you have kept a log and discovered the time you are wasting on computers, television, and phones.  All you have to do is change your behaviors.  You just found about 40 hours a week.  Wasn't that simple?  You didn't even have to say "no" to anyone, give up social engagements, or let important things like parenting and housework fall by the wayside.
     You have created space in your life for more of the good stuff.  Space for hobbies, working on goals, exercise, relaxation, and fun.  Happiness found.

Run For The Roses!

There once was a colt born to no account parents.  Which no doubt made this colt of no account.

But there were these people who didn't see it that way.  They bought the little horse and took him away, under their wings and trained him to be a racehorse.  People told them they were wasting their time.  People told them they were throwing their money away.  People told them they were stupid.  They were so criticized by others that they named themselves "The Dumb Ass Partners" DAP for short.  But they didn't change their minds about this horse. They believed in him.  They believed in themselves. They all worked hard the owners, the trainer, and the horse.

This is the story of a horse named California Chrome.  The winner of the 140th Kentucky Derby.

 

The jockey told reporters he just rode California Chrome and let the horse run his own race.

 

No matter what other people might say about you, your family, or those who believe in you: let it all roll off your back.  Work hard, learn what you need to learn, get the training you need.

 Believe in yourself.  Go out there and run your own race. 

 

We'll soon be seeing you in the winners circle!!

All or Nothing Thinking.

Give yourself permission to do things part way. 

 I don't know where you got the idea that you have to do everything  ALL the way or not at all.  You might not know either.  But trust me this way of thinking is stealing your life.  It is causing you stress and robbing you of your joy. Now the idea of doing things half way might be scary, but it just might be worthy of exploration and experimentation.

 Explore the idea of doing things part way.

If you don't have time or energy to clean the whole house, clean the kitchen, or at least do the dishes.  If a cleaner house is the goal, even small steps will get your there. 

 

If you don't have the money to pay a bill, don't just ignore it.  Call them up and make a payment plan.  You'll have less stress and keep yourself out of court.   

 

Monitor a college class.  You are still going to learn something without doing all the homework

 and getting a grade.  Sometimes this doesn't even cost you a dime.  You can even drop out anytime you please.  You can give it the "old college try" without the fear, who knows you might find out you have what it takes to go for a degree. 

 

Join the club your interested in, even if you can't be involved in all the activities.
 

You don't need to read every page of that self-help book everyone is raving about. 

You could learn something in just a couple of chapters.  You might find a baby step that changes your life in a few pages.

 

You know you will never be able to run or even walk that 10K race. 

But training for it will improve your health and fitness level.  Going out on race day might be a hoot even if you just hand out bottled water. 

 

Don't have the energy to walk through the whole museum?  Do what you can and

enjoy what you can.

 

If you are caught up in all or nothing thinking; you are missing out on life experiences and causing yourself stress believing you have to do it all or finish it all before it will be of value or you will be of value.  Take out that journal: What do you think you are afraid of here, what is the real fear? 

Give yourself permission to move beyond the fear.  

Give yourself permission to do it wrong. 

 

Give yourself permission to do it part way or your way.

It's Happy Holidays!

  It's that time of year again when these posts show up on our Facebook feeds.  I don't share them, because I don't agree.

     I am sorry, but it is "Happy Holidays".   This greeting includes all of the holidays from Thanksgiving through New Years Day.  It includes both religious and nonreligious days of celebration.  The greeting is normally given with a smile and sometimes a friendly wave.  It is not an attack on your faith or is it an attempt to remove Christ from Christmas Day.  It is someone wishing you a Happy Holiday.  Not for just a day, but for a season of holidays.

     In this season of caring, don't allow a simple holiday greeting to separate us from each other and fill the air with anger.  Treat each other with love and compassion as Christ taught.  Before you answer this greeting with a hate filled "It's Merry Christmas" stop and think about what Jesus would do.  I am sure His return greeting would be filled with love and kindness.  If it is important to you to keep Christ in Christmas then do so by acting in a Christ like matter. 

      The next time someone wishes you a Happy Holiday try the following.  Smile and say one of these;  "Happy Holidays,"  "May You Have A Joyous Winter Season," "Merry Christmas," or "Happy New Year."  Giving the gift of love is the true spirit of the season.





Overwatering?

     Every spring we buy several trees and bushes.  We bring them home and happily plant them in the garden.  We have high hopes for what improvements they will render to the yard.  But they never make it that far.  We have some hard growing conditions to deal with on our hill top; clay soil, heat, and wind.  However, these have nothing to do with their demise.
     The true problem is my husband has a tendency to over water them.  Every time they show a little droop, or it was a hot day, or the wind blew; there he is pour water on their root ball.  It is too much love and nurturing.  The plants never get a chance to find their own way, their own water, they never need to reach out with new roots.  They are not able to fend for themselves while we are away.  They never develop the deep root system required hold them up in a strong wind.  They parish.
     We sometimes make the same mistakes in raising children.  We can over nurture children as well.  Always making sure they have what they need is a parent's job.  Giving more than they need, always making sure they are entertained, and fixing every problem that comes their way is too much nurturing.  They become dependent on you for a life time.  They never have to reach out to others building their own support system and sense of community.  They never have to search within to find their own strengths and develop their own talents.  There will never be a need to reach out to a Higher Power.  They won't develop the root system they need to keep them up right in a strong wind.
     Mind the hose carefully.

  

Enjoy!

Finding joy in everyday life isn't about what you do, but how you do what you do. 

 

      For example, I just got out of the hot tub.  You may have already thought, "Wow, I would enjoy that."  Well, it would depend on how you do it.  There are two ways to soak in the tub.
      One way is to sit there and stew.  Thinking about everything you have to get done today, what went wrong yesterday, and worry about the things you think might happen.  No amount of hot water and massage jets can break through that thought process.  I have done it this way.  You get out more tense and stressed than when you got in.
       Or you can do it the mindful way.  Staying in the moment.  Keeping your mind on the way the water feels.  Watching the sunlight bounce off the water.  Noticing the little white clouds above and the roses across the garden.  Listening to the morning bird calls. Now that is true rest.  You get out relaxed and refreshed. 

      Apply mindfulness to everything that you do and watch your joy return.

 

Connection

      Yesterday evening we went to spend some time with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew Terry.  We only get to see them once or twice a year. We were there about two and half hours and talked about many things.  On the drive back to the house I had a few thoughts about the visit. 
      Of course, it was great to see my brother.  It was also great to have spent almost 3 hours in a cell phone free conversation.  No one felt the need to answer a ringing phone, text someone who wasn't there, check email, or update their facebook status.  It is true that all of us present have lived in a world without smart phones, but it is also true that we all own cell phones and use this technology.  We chose not too last evening.  It was very refreshing for me.  I can't even remember the last time I had a conversation not interrupted by devises.
      The five of us live very busy lives and have lots of people we need to stay connected to, there never seems to be time for many phone calls, emails, or letters between us.  So on an evening such as last there were so many things to talk about and get caught up on. That made for lively conversation and a few other special gifts.  What kind of gifts?
     For me, at the second year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, it was nice to tell my story.  Now that I am finally in a place where I want to talk about it.  It was wonderful to talk about how it all came down, the doctors & nurse that were part of the journey, my feelings, etc.  And it was wonderful to talk about it to people who didn't think they knew it all, because they had been following every tweet along the way. It is a gift to talk to people who you are connected to by blood so they love and care about you, but who you have enough distance from that you can spend time connecting the old fashion way through simple conversation.
     Now I am not suggesting that you throw away your cell phone or close your facebook account.  I know I not going to.   I am suggesting that you turn off the smart phone and truly connect with the ones your with.  I know I feel happy and connected from last night's encounter.  Just try it once in awhile you might like it.

Daffodils

     Sharing a couple on lines from William Wordsworth's poem "The Daffodils."

"And then my heart with pleasure
fills,  And dances with the daffodils."

     What pleasure something small and simple can bring!

     It is funny I do feel this way about even a single flower.  I all most always have a small bunch of flowers by my therapy chair.  I will go to the supermarket every Monday morning for months. The vase, my sunny pal, bringing a smile to my face everyday.
     And then...I forget, or I am sick, or the weather is bad, or I am too busy this morning.  Before I know it, months without flowers have gone by.
     How quickly and quietly it happens; a simple pleasure gone.  It is important to stay on track or return to these practices when we discover the void.  Life without the simple pleasures can become dull and lifeless.
     What little thing could you do or bring to your day that would give you such pleasure? 

Ducks in a Row

     I have heard it said all my life that people need to get their ducks in a row.  I guess that is true.  We need to go to our jobs and do that job to the best of our ability.  We need to pay our bills and care for our children. 
     Doing anything to excess is not having your ducks in line.  There is no way you can keep drunk or drugged ducks in a row.
     Is there more to having your ducks in a row than that?  I am sure that there a many opinions on this subject depending on your standards and belief system.  And that is the point I am making:
You need to have your ducks in a row, but what should your row look like.  Do you think that we should follow someone else's idea of a duck row? Or do you think it is your farm and it should be your choice?
      As for me personally, it is MY FARM.  My ducks are in a row. 

HOWEVER.....

 





Dreams

"Dreams are like paper, they tear so easy."

      I don't know where I heard this, but I agree.  We need to protect our dreams from those that would tear them.  We need to protect them from getting torn by mistake.  Put them in a nice, clean folder in your heart and hang on to them no matter what.

Experience vs ownership

      If you owned a bottle of 1996 Lafite Rothschild, would you ever drink it?  If so, what occasion would be special enough?  Or maybe drinking a $1,600.00 bottle of wine would be the occasion in itself.   Like January 27, 2013 is the date we drank the Rothschild.  Or are you the person who just wants to own it. 
      I own a 1977 Trans Am.  A great sports car that goes very, very fast.  Today it is parked in the weeds in need of restoration.  It is cool to own and have owned this car.  But for me the coolest part is to have driven this car.  To have experienced putting the pedal to the metal and feeling the power of this car from behind the steering wheel.
      The memories of good times and times shared with others can never be taken from you.  What do you think about most often, what you own or what you have done?  What makes life real and exciting? 
      What do you wish to spend your money on; things or experiences?  What comes into play when you think about this question?  What will other people think?  Do you feel like the things you own are important to who you are?  Are there things you should own to be considered worthy?  We both understand that you have to consider these questions.  But what will make you happy?
     I believe our time here isn't about "having" a good life, but about "living" a good life.  I choose experience over ownership most times.  And I would drink the Rothschild on a cold January day and make it the occasion.
     I suggest you do too.  Use the good china.  Wear your best clothes.  Set in your hot tub.  Drive your restored classic car.  What are you saving it all for?  Turn what you own into the experience you dreamed about when you bought them.  Enjoy them for every penny you spent.
     Cheers!
    

Never invest so much of yourself in any situation that you

are willing to compromise your integrity

 in order to maintain the illusion.

Self-doubt

Did you watch the Golden Globes last night? 

     I have to thank Anne Hathaway who won Best Performance By An Actress In A Motion Picture.  I have to thank Anne for introducing the idea that even Golden Globe winners sometimes suffer from self-doubt.  Ms.  Hathaway said; "Thank you for this lovely blunt object , that I will forever use as a weapon against self-doubt." 
     I loved that!  I had to think what do I have that I can use as a weapon against self-doubt.  As I looked around I found licenses, diplomas, and art hanging on my walls.
     Look around for some weapons against self-doubt for yourself.  Hang up your art and diplomas.  Frame articles you wrote or were written about you.  Put your photos on your computer's desk top.
      Remember everyone battles with self-doubt from time to time.  You are in good company.

Be gentle with yourself.

     Why is it that we are kinder to others, even complete strangers than we are to ourselves?  Listen to the things you say to yourself.  You would never say such awful things to another person.  Stop and think before you talk down to yourself.

TODAY:
Do something nice for yourself.  Like buy yourself an ice cream.

Speak as kindly to yourself as you do to others.

Allow someone to help you the way you have helped others.

Give yourself the same permission to make mistakes that you give to others.

Reposts

     This came across my Facebook news feed.  I am against bullying.  I was bullied as a kid, I know how painful it can be.  As a therapist I have seen what bullying does to people.  It doesn't just happen on the school yard, it happens on the job, in the home, and on the internet.  I am for raising awareness about this subject, getting people to think about it. 
      Now let's think about this message.  If I don't repost this then I don't have a heart or I am heartless?  So if I understand this correctly, you are trying to FORCE me to do want you want (reposting) by PUTTING ME DOWN if I don't.  That is BULLYING!  Which is the reason I would never repost this. 
     Of course the people posting this don't mean to bullying anyone.  They are against it.  See how easy it is to get caught up in bullying if you don't stop and think. 
     Think before you click.