It's Happy Holidays!

  It's that time of year again when these posts show up on our Facebook feeds.  I don't share them, because I don't agree.

     I am sorry, but it is "Happy Holidays".   This greeting includes all of the holidays from Thanksgiving through New Years Day.  It includes both religious and nonreligious days of celebration.  The greeting is normally given with a smile and sometimes a friendly wave.  It is not an attack on your faith or is it an attempt to remove Christ from Christmas Day.  It is someone wishing you a Happy Holiday.  Not for just a day, but for a season of holidays.

     In this season of caring, don't allow a simple holiday greeting to separate us from each other and fill the air with anger.  Treat each other with love and compassion as Christ taught.  Before you answer this greeting with a hate filled "It's Merry Christmas" stop and think about what Jesus would do.  I am sure His return greeting would be filled with love and kindness.  If it is important to you to keep Christ in Christmas then do so by acting in a Christ like matter. 

      The next time someone wishes you a Happy Holiday try the following.  Smile and say one of these;  "Happy Holidays,"  "May You Have A Joyous Winter Season," "Merry Christmas," or "Happy New Year."  Giving the gift of love is the true spirit of the season.





Overwatering?

     Every spring we buy several trees and bushes.  We bring them home and happily plant them in the garden.  We have high hopes for what improvements they will render to the yard.  But they never make it that far.  We have some hard growing conditions to deal with on our hill top; clay soil, heat, and wind.  However, these have nothing to do with their demise.
     The true problem is my husband has a tendency to over water them.  Every time they show a little droop, or it was a hot day, or the wind blew; there he is pour water on their root ball.  It is too much love and nurturing.  The plants never get a chance to find their own way, their own water, they never need to reach out with new roots.  They are not able to fend for themselves while we are away.  They never develop the deep root system required hold them up in a strong wind.  They parish.
     We sometimes make the same mistakes in raising children.  We can over nurture children as well.  Always making sure they have what they need is a parent's job.  Giving more than they need, always making sure they are entertained, and fixing every problem that comes their way is too much nurturing.  They become dependent on you for a life time.  They never have to reach out to others building their own support system and sense of community.  They never have to search within to find their own strengths and develop their own talents.  There will never be a need to reach out to a Higher Power.  They won't develop the root system they need to keep them up right in a strong wind.
     Mind the hose carefully.

  

Enjoy!

Finding joy in everyday life isn't about what you do, but how you do what you do. 

 

      For example, I just got out of the hot tub.  You may have already thought, "Wow, I would enjoy that."  Well, it would depend on how you do it.  There are two ways to soak in the tub.
      One way is to sit there and stew.  Thinking about everything you have to get done today, what went wrong yesterday, and worry about the things you think might happen.  No amount of hot water and massage jets can break through that thought process.  I have done it this way.  You get out more tense and stressed than when you got in.
       Or you can do it the mindful way.  Staying in the moment.  Keeping your mind on the way the water feels.  Watching the sunlight bounce off the water.  Noticing the little white clouds above and the roses across the garden.  Listening to the morning bird calls. Now that is true rest.  You get out relaxed and refreshed. 

      Apply mindfulness to everything that you do and watch your joy return.

 

Connection

      Yesterday evening we went to spend some time with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew Terry.  We only get to see them once or twice a year. We were there about two and half hours and talked about many things.  On the drive back to the house I had a few thoughts about the visit. 
      Of course, it was great to see my brother.  It was also great to have spent almost 3 hours in a cell phone free conversation.  No one felt the need to answer a ringing phone, text someone who wasn't there, check email, or update their facebook status.  It is true that all of us present have lived in a world without smart phones, but it is also true that we all own cell phones and use this technology.  We chose not too last evening.  It was very refreshing for me.  I can't even remember the last time I had a conversation not interrupted by devises.
      The five of us live very busy lives and have lots of people we need to stay connected to, there never seems to be time for many phone calls, emails, or letters between us.  So on an evening such as last there were so many things to talk about and get caught up on. That made for lively conversation and a few other special gifts.  What kind of gifts?
     For me, at the second year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, it was nice to tell my story.  Now that I am finally in a place where I want to talk about it.  It was wonderful to talk about how it all came down, the doctors & nurse that were part of the journey, my feelings, etc.  And it was wonderful to talk about it to people who didn't think they knew it all, because they had been following every tweet along the way. It is a gift to talk to people who you are connected to by blood so they love and care about you, but who you have enough distance from that you can spend time connecting the old fashion way through simple conversation.
     Now I am not suggesting that you throw away your cell phone or close your facebook account.  I know I not going to.   I am suggesting that you turn off the smart phone and truly connect with the ones your with.  I know I feel happy and connected from last night's encounter.  Just try it once in awhile you might like it.

Daffodils

     Sharing a couple on lines from William Wordsworth's poem "The Daffodils."

"And then my heart with pleasure
fills,  And dances with the daffodils."

     What pleasure something small and simple can bring!

     It is funny I do feel this way about even a single flower.  I all most always have a small bunch of flowers by my therapy chair.  I will go to the supermarket every Monday morning for months. The vase, my sunny pal, bringing a smile to my face everyday.
     And then...I forget, or I am sick, or the weather is bad, or I am too busy this morning.  Before I know it, months without flowers have gone by.
     How quickly and quietly it happens; a simple pleasure gone.  It is important to stay on track or return to these practices when we discover the void.  Life without the simple pleasures can become dull and lifeless.
     What little thing could you do or bring to your day that would give you such pleasure? 

Ducks in a Row

     I have heard it said all my life that people need to get their ducks in a row.  I guess that is true.  We need to go to our jobs and do that job to the best of our ability.  We need to pay our bills and care for our children. 
     Doing anything to excess is not having your ducks in line.  There is no way you can keep drunk or drugged ducks in a row.
     Is there more to having your ducks in a row than that?  I am sure that there a many opinions on this subject depending on your standards and belief system.  And that is the point I am making:
You need to have your ducks in a row, but what should your row look like.  Do you think that we should follow someone else's idea of a duck row? Or do you think it is your farm and it should be your choice?
      As for me personally, it is MY FARM.  My ducks are in a row. 

HOWEVER.....

 





Dreams

"Dreams are like paper, they tear so easy."

      I don't know where I heard this, but I agree.  We need to protect our dreams from those that would tear them.  We need to protect them from getting torn by mistake.  Put them in a nice, clean folder in your heart and hang on to them no matter what.

Experience vs ownership

      If you owned a bottle of 1996 Lafite Rothschild, would you ever drink it?  If so, what occasion would be special enough?  Or maybe drinking a $1,600.00 bottle of wine would be the occasion in itself.   Like January 27, 2013 is the date we drank the Rothschild.  Or are you the person who just wants to own it. 
      I own a 1977 Trans Am.  A great sports car that goes very, very fast.  Today it is parked in the weeds in need of restoration.  It is cool to own and have owned this car.  But for me the coolest part is to have driven this car.  To have experienced putting the pedal to the metal and feeling the power of this car from behind the steering wheel.
      The memories of good times and times shared with others can never be taken from you.  What do you think about most often, what you own or what you have done?  What makes life real and exciting? 
      What do you wish to spend your money on; things or experiences?  What comes into play when you think about this question?  What will other people think?  Do you feel like the things you own are important to who you are?  Are there things you should own to be considered worthy?  We both understand that you have to consider these questions.  But what will make you happy?
     I believe our time here isn't about "having" a good life, but about "living" a good life.  I choose experience over ownership most times.  And I would drink the Rothschild on a cold January day and make it the occasion.
     I suggest you do too.  Use the good china.  Wear your best clothes.  Set in your hot tub.  Drive your restored classic car.  What are you saving it all for?  Turn what you own into the experience you dreamed about when you bought them.  Enjoy them for every penny you spent.
     Cheers!
    

Never invest so much of yourself in any situation that you

are willing to compromise your integrity

 in order to maintain the illusion.

Self-doubt

Did you watch the Golden Globes last night? 

     I have to thank Anne Hathaway who won Best Performance By An Actress In A Motion Picture.  I have to thank Anne for introducing the idea that even Golden Globe winners sometimes suffer from self-doubt.  Ms.  Hathaway said; "Thank you for this lovely blunt object , that I will forever use as a weapon against self-doubt." 
     I loved that!  I had to think what do I have that I can use as a weapon against self-doubt.  As I looked around I found licenses, diplomas, and art hanging on my walls.
     Look around for some weapons against self-doubt for yourself.  Hang up your art and diplomas.  Frame articles you wrote or were written about you.  Put your photos on your computer's desk top.
      Remember everyone battles with self-doubt from time to time.  You are in good company.

Be gentle with yourself.

     Why is it that we are kinder to others, even complete strangers than we are to ourselves?  Listen to the things you say to yourself.  You would never say such awful things to another person.  Stop and think before you talk down to yourself.

TODAY:
Do something nice for yourself.  Like buy yourself an ice cream.

Speak as kindly to yourself as you do to others.

Allow someone to help you the way you have helped others.

Give yourself the same permission to make mistakes that you give to others.

Reposts

     This came across my Facebook news feed.  I am against bullying.  I was bullied as a kid, I know how painful it can be.  As a therapist I have seen what bullying does to people.  It doesn't just happen on the school yard, it happens on the job, in the home, and on the internet.  I am for raising awareness about this subject, getting people to think about it. 
      Now let's think about this message.  If I don't repost this then I don't have a heart or I am heartless?  So if I understand this correctly, you are trying to FORCE me to do want you want (reposting) by PUTTING ME DOWN if I don't.  That is BULLYING!  Which is the reason I would never repost this. 
     Of course the people posting this don't mean to bullying anyone.  They are against it.  See how easy it is to get caught up in bullying if you don't stop and think. 
     Think before you click.