Creating Space

    " I don't have time!"  Do you hear yourself saying this whenever someone makes a suggestion about you doing something that might make you happier or help you reach a goal?
     You can read all the right books, buy all the right tools, you can clear a place to do your art, and still not be working toward your goals.  Because you don't have the time.  Time doesn't fall into your day.  You have to create the space in your life for the things you find important.
      "How can I do that?!  There is only 24 hours in each day!  And I have so much to do!"
      Step one:  Be 100% honest with yourself about how you spend the 24 hours you have each day.  How many hours do you spend watching television?  A creative friend of mine discovered through keeping a TV log that he watched an average of five (5) hours of TV each evening.  Turned out it was mostly reruns, shows he didn't even enjoy that much, or movies he had already seen.  Five hours is a lot time to be painting, writing, or exercising.  Just three of the things he felt he didn't have time or.    
    How about your computer time?  Yes, I know much of your computer time is worthwhile; keeping up on the latest trends, having conversations with friends and family, and reading great things like this blog.  Being honest much of it is just surfing, playing games, pinning, and checking in to social media way too much. 
     Phone calls?  I just took a call in the middle of writing this.  I didn't really want to talk to this person.  So why did I talk to them for 48 minutes?!  Seriously, an hour gone!  Texting is another thing that maybe keeping you from concentrating on your goals. 
     Now that you have kept a log and discovered the time you are wasting on computers, television, and phones.  All you have to do is change your behaviors.  You just found about 40 hours a week.  Wasn't that simple?  You didn't even have to say "no" to anyone, give up social engagements, or let important things like parenting and housework fall by the wayside.
     You have created space in your life for more of the good stuff.  Space for hobbies, working on goals, exercise, relaxation, and fun.  Happiness found.

Run For The Roses!

There once was a colt born to no account parents.  Which no doubt made this colt of no account.

But there were these people who didn't see it that way.  They bought the little horse and took him away, under their wings and trained him to be a racehorse.  People told them they were wasting their time.  People told them they were throwing their money away.  People told them they were stupid.  They were so criticized by others that they named themselves "The Dumb Ass Partners" DAP for short.  But they didn't change their minds about this horse. They believed in him.  They believed in themselves. They all worked hard the owners, the trainer, and the horse.

This is the story of a horse named California Chrome.  The winner of the 140th Kentucky Derby.

 

The jockey told reporters he just rode California Chrome and let the horse run his own race.

 

No matter what other people might say about you, your family, or those who believe in you: let it all roll off your back.  Work hard, learn what you need to learn, get the training you need.

 Believe in yourself.  Go out there and run your own race. 

 

We'll soon be seeing you in the winners circle!!

All or Nothing Thinking.

Give yourself permission to do things part way. 

 I don't know where you got the idea that you have to do everything  ALL the way or not at all.  You might not know either.  But trust me this way of thinking is stealing your life.  It is causing you stress and robbing you of your joy. Now the idea of doing things half way might be scary, but it just might be worthy of exploration and experimentation.

 Explore the idea of doing things part way.

If you don't have time or energy to clean the whole house, clean the kitchen, or at least do the dishes.  If a cleaner house is the goal, even small steps will get your there. 

 

If you don't have the money to pay a bill, don't just ignore it.  Call them up and make a payment plan.  You'll have less stress and keep yourself out of court.   

 

Monitor a college class.  You are still going to learn something without doing all the homework

 and getting a grade.  Sometimes this doesn't even cost you a dime.  You can even drop out anytime you please.  You can give it the "old college try" without the fear, who knows you might find out you have what it takes to go for a degree. 

 

Join the club your interested in, even if you can't be involved in all the activities.
 

You don't need to read every page of that self-help book everyone is raving about. 

You could learn something in just a couple of chapters.  You might find a baby step that changes your life in a few pages.

 

You know you will never be able to run or even walk that 10K race. 

But training for it will improve your health and fitness level.  Going out on race day might be a hoot even if you just hand out bottled water. 

 

Don't have the energy to walk through the whole museum?  Do what you can and

enjoy what you can.

 

If you are caught up in all or nothing thinking; you are missing out on life experiences and causing yourself stress believing you have to do it all or finish it all before it will be of value or you will be of value.  Take out that journal: What do you think you are afraid of here, what is the real fear? 

Give yourself permission to move beyond the fear.  

Give yourself permission to do it wrong. 

 

Give yourself permission to do it part way or your way.

It's Happy Holidays!

  It's that time of year again when these posts show up on our Facebook feeds.  I don't share them, because I don't agree.

     I am sorry, but it is "Happy Holidays".   This greeting includes all of the holidays from Thanksgiving through New Years Day.  It includes both religious and nonreligious days of celebration.  The greeting is normally given with a smile and sometimes a friendly wave.  It is not an attack on your faith or is it an attempt to remove Christ from Christmas Day.  It is someone wishing you a Happy Holiday.  Not for just a day, but for a season of holidays.

     In this season of caring, don't allow a simple holiday greeting to separate us from each other and fill the air with anger.  Treat each other with love and compassion as Christ taught.  Before you answer this greeting with a hate filled "It's Merry Christmas" stop and think about what Jesus would do.  I am sure His return greeting would be filled with love and kindness.  If it is important to you to keep Christ in Christmas then do so by acting in a Christ like matter. 

      The next time someone wishes you a Happy Holiday try the following.  Smile and say one of these;  "Happy Holidays,"  "May You Have A Joyous Winter Season," "Merry Christmas," or "Happy New Year."  Giving the gift of love is the true spirit of the season.





Overwatering?

     Every spring we buy several trees and bushes.  We bring them home and happily plant them in the garden.  We have high hopes for what improvements they will render to the yard.  But they never make it that far.  We have some hard growing conditions to deal with on our hill top; clay soil, heat, and wind.  However, these have nothing to do with their demise.
     The true problem is my husband has a tendency to over water them.  Every time they show a little droop, or it was a hot day, or the wind blew; there he is pour water on their root ball.  It is too much love and nurturing.  The plants never get a chance to find their own way, their own water, they never need to reach out with new roots.  They are not able to fend for themselves while we are away.  They never develop the deep root system required hold them up in a strong wind.  They parish.
     We sometimes make the same mistakes in raising children.  We can over nurture children as well.  Always making sure they have what they need is a parent's job.  Giving more than they need, always making sure they are entertained, and fixing every problem that comes their way is too much nurturing.  They become dependent on you for a life time.  They never have to reach out to others building their own support system and sense of community.  They never have to search within to find their own strengths and develop their own talents.  There will never be a need to reach out to a Higher Power.  They won't develop the root system they need to keep them up right in a strong wind.
     Mind the hose carefully.

  

Enjoy!

Finding joy in everyday life isn't about what you do, but how you do what you do. 

 

      For example, I just got out of the hot tub.  You may have already thought, "Wow, I would enjoy that."  Well, it would depend on how you do it.  There are two ways to soak in the tub.
      One way is to sit there and stew.  Thinking about everything you have to get done today, what went wrong yesterday, and worry about the things you think might happen.  No amount of hot water and massage jets can break through that thought process.  I have done it this way.  You get out more tense and stressed than when you got in.
       Or you can do it the mindful way.  Staying in the moment.  Keeping your mind on the way the water feels.  Watching the sunlight bounce off the water.  Noticing the little white clouds above and the roses across the garden.  Listening to the morning bird calls. Now that is true rest.  You get out relaxed and refreshed. 

      Apply mindfulness to everything that you do and watch your joy return.

 

Connection

      Yesterday evening we went to spend some time with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew Terry.  We only get to see them once or twice a year. We were there about two and half hours and talked about many things.  On the drive back to the house I had a few thoughts about the visit. 
      Of course, it was great to see my brother.  It was also great to have spent almost 3 hours in a cell phone free conversation.  No one felt the need to answer a ringing phone, text someone who wasn't there, check email, or update their facebook status.  It is true that all of us present have lived in a world without smart phones, but it is also true that we all own cell phones and use this technology.  We chose not too last evening.  It was very refreshing for me.  I can't even remember the last time I had a conversation not interrupted by devises.
      The five of us live very busy lives and have lots of people we need to stay connected to, there never seems to be time for many phone calls, emails, or letters between us.  So on an evening such as last there were so many things to talk about and get caught up on. That made for lively conversation and a few other special gifts.  What kind of gifts?
     For me, at the second year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis, it was nice to tell my story.  Now that I am finally in a place where I want to talk about it.  It was wonderful to talk about how it all came down, the doctors & nurse that were part of the journey, my feelings, etc.  And it was wonderful to talk about it to people who didn't think they knew it all, because they had been following every tweet along the way. It is a gift to talk to people who you are connected to by blood so they love and care about you, but who you have enough distance from that you can spend time connecting the old fashion way through simple conversation.
     Now I am not suggesting that you throw away your cell phone or close your facebook account.  I know I not going to.   I am suggesting that you turn off the smart phone and truly connect with the ones your with.  I know I feel happy and connected from last night's encounter.  Just try it once in awhile you might like it.